A Long Darkness Retreat: What Changes After 5, 10, and 56 Days
- Kyle Brooks
- Jun 18
- 6 min read
A long darkness retreat — typically thirty days or more in total isolation from light — produces changes in consciousness that shorter retreats cannot. Ben Hildebrand spent 56 days in total darkness at Hridaya Family, our darkness retreat facility in Chiapas, Mexico. What follows is what he found, and what actually shifts at each stage.
When the door opened after 56 days, our retreat host came to speak with Ben. He didn't hear a word she said.
He reached out, took her hand, and placed it flat against his chest.
"It was like this huge breath I hadn't been able to take for eight weeks," he says. "I just had to hold her hand there."
You can read everything ever written about darkness retreats and still not quite understand what that moment means. It tells you something that no description of the experience itself manages to say: that spending 56 days in total darkness does not move you away from the world. It moves you, with a precision that nothing else can, toward it.
Who Ben Is
Ben Hildebrand, 40, from Vancouver Island, Canada, did not arrive at a long darkness retreat as a curious beginner. He had spent twenty years on the inner work before he ever sat in formal darkness — years of emotional processing, of working with a teacher, of letting go of old habit patterns and clearing, as he puts it, what had accumulated in the attic. Along the way, he developed a practice he could not yet name: locking himself in a dark room at home and sitting with whatever arose.
"I didn't know retreats like this existed," he says. "So for 10 or 15 years I'd been doing these practices on my own."
Then, in the space of a single week, his external life ended completely. His dog died. His relationship ended. He sold his house. He quit his job. "There was this giant death in my life," he says. "I felt like not just a chapter had finished, but an entire book. And now I was on to the next book."
His intuition kept pointing him toward darkness.
His first formal retreat was two and a half weeks in Guatemala. He came out knowing it wasn't enough. He contacted Hridaya Family and asked for eight weeks. There were phone calls first — to establish that he was stable, that he understood what he was entering, that the retreat would give him what he was looking for rather than simply endure him.
"I was very grateful for your guys' trust," he says now.
What Actually Changes, and When
This is the part nobody writes about. Most accounts of darkness retreats describe three to ten days. Ben has now done three retreats — two and a half weeks, 56 days, and one week — and the map he draws of what changes, and when, is unlike anything else I have seen.
"The magic really starts to shift after five days," he says. "After ten days I was really experiencing something different. After thirty days I was definitely having a different experience than when I first started."
The early days are what most people expect: adjustment, disorientation, the mind doing what minds do when you take away their usual fuel. The body stumbles. You stub your toes. You walk into the wall. You learn your room by touch and repetition until the layout is as familiar as your own hands.
What changes after five days is subtler. The mind starts to settle not because it has run out of material but because the material begins to clear. Ben spent years before this retreat working on his emotional and psychological interior — the grief, the patterns, the things that accumulate and go unexamined. That preparation, he says, is why he never experienced boredom.
"All my self-work had been committed to my mental emotional work. Letting go of old things, old habit patterns — allowing all the old stuff stuck in the attic to flow out. After getting all that out of the way, there's nothing in the way anymore. All there is is infinity."
He is precise about what this means. When people struggle in long darkness, he says, it is because the emotional and psychological material that hasn't been processed comes up in the absence of distraction. The darkness does not create that material. It only removes what was keeping it at bay.
"When people struggle in the dark, it's because they haven't done the work to get the mental and emotional out of the way — so that's what comes up for them. They can't enjoy the wonder of darkness because all this other stuff is coming up. We have to deal with that first before we can get to the eternal."
The struggle, in other words, is the work. You move through it, not around it.
By thirty days, something different is happening. Ben describes a shift not in what he experiences but in how he is oriented — in what he calls the source of his navigation. "Before that retreat I would say I was very heart-led. After that retreat, I say that I'm now led by my soul — and how my soul connects to my God." Heart-led to soul-led. It sounds like a minor distinction until he explains what he means by it: an inner orientation that doesn't waver, that doesn't require deliberation, that simply knows. "It's very obvious when things are not aligned. I just feel it deep within me."
That quality, he says, is not available at two weeks. It requires time
Long Darkness Retreats: The Harder Parts
Ben is clear that the darkness itself was never difficult. What he found in total darkness was wonder.
The hard part was the absence of other people.
56 days without human contact is tough. We are social beings. We need touch. We need connection.
He did not fully understand how hard it had been until the moment the door opened. Fifty-six days in pursuit of inner freedom, and the first thing it gave him was a recognition of how much we need each other.
Not everything was heavy. Ben dedicated an entire day to grieving his dog. Each evening he built a ritual: metta meditation, then gratitude, then prayer, each night dedicated to a specific person in his life. He would schedule himself in hourly slots to move through it with intention.
Coming Out
Ben has come out of total darkness three times. Each time, the eyes won't open. After 56 days, he already knew how long to wait. He found the chair he knew would be there and sat with his eyes closed, listening to birds, listening to water, feeling the sun on his skin.
The appreciation you come out with is remarkable. After being away from nature and people for so long, everything feels vivid and deeply connected. He will go back every year. This is simply how he lives now.
About Hridaya Family
Hridaya Family is our darkness retreat facility located in the mountains outside San Cristobal de las Casas, Chiapas, Mexico. We offer darkness retreats from three nights to extended immersions for experienced practitioners. Every retreat begins with a conversation to make sure what you're stepping into will give you what you're actually looking for.
If you are new to darkness retreat and want to understand the practice before committing to a longer stay, our full darkness retreat page covers what to expect, how to prepare, and our current packages. If you are already experienced and feel called toward a longer immersion, reach out directly and we will talk. If you are new to darkness retreat and want to understand the practice, our full darkness retreat page covers what to expect, how to prepare, and our current packages. If you are already experienced and feel called toward a longer immersion, reach out directly and we will talk.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a long darkness retreat?
A long darkness retreat is an extended period of complete isolation from light, typically thirty days or more, used as an intensive meditation practice. The duration allows for stages of inner shift that shorter retreats do not produce.
How long does it take to notice something different in a darkness retreat?
Most people notice a significant shift around the five-day mark. Ten days produces a noticeably different quality of experience. The deeper shifts become available after thirty days.
What is the hardest part of a long darkness retreat?
For most experienced practitioners, the darkness itself is not the hardest part. The extended absence of human contact is more difficult. We are social beings and the body registers the absence of others in concrete, physical ways.
Do I need experience before attempting a long darkness retreat?
Yes. Extended darkness retreats beyond ten days are intended for practitioners who have already done significant inner work. At Hridaya Family, we speak with every applicant for extended retreats before confirming a booking.
Where can I do a long darkness retreat?
Hridaya Family in Chiapas, Mexico offers extended darkness retreats for experienced practitioners. Our facility is located in the mountains outside San Cristobal de las Casas. Contact us directly to discuss longer immersions. Longer retreats are available only to experienced and dedicated practitioners.
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